he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
