Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
