How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
