Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i love accidental penises.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
