Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
