I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
