I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
