ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
