Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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