i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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