guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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