i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
