all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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