bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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