Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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