Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
