two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
