I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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