Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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