Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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