I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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