On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
