i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
