i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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