How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
