Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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