Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
