So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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