Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sober January is a disaster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
