i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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