I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
