What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
