i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's get the cat blown out
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize