ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
