Betty ford says i'm here all night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We don't watch enough power rangers
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
