i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
