she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
