Already got asked if we're dating
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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