Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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