I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
where does the pee come out of this thing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
