This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
