i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
