Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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