so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sober January is a disaster.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
