her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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