I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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