God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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