i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
