so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
