One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
