I think I died a long time ago.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
