he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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