I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
