I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
