you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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