I wish my penis had an off switch
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
