last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
