Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
