This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Be still, my beating vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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